Update

Things have been rough. Bobby cheated on me, slept with another girl, and then when we dated again he didn't tell me. I took him back for the 3rd time, and now we're dating secretly. We have to, because my friends and parents don't approve. This entire situation has been tearing me up. I feel miserable most of the time, I even think I got clinically depressed at one point. I would sleep all the time, I lost interest in everything, and I just...wasn't there. I'm scared I just want to feel happy and inspired again, and since the day of my last post, I have not. I want to be that girl who wrote all of my past posts, so carefree. I wish I could remember how I did that...
I suppose I shouldn't say that the past few months have been horrible 100% of the time. I am happy sometimes, and believe me, I savor those times as if they were my last. Most of the time, I'm only happy when I'm alone. I wish my 18th birthday would come sooner, I really want to get out of this state.
I've been very sick for a couple months now and I'm starting to think it's a bit worse than you're common cold. I did have a double ear infection and a very bad throat infection, which I was given antibiotics for, but I don't think they worked. My throat stopped hurting for a couple weeks, but now it hurts again. I'm about to ask my dad if he'll pay for me to get my tonsils removed.
I still don't have a job, I haven't even started looking considering I'm only 15. I plan on beginning my search the day after my birthday, or the day after that depending on how bad my hangover is, hahah. The problem is, my brother is getting his permit very soon, which means he'll be getting his license. This means he'll get the car and I'll be left with nothing to drive me to my future job. I guess I'll just have to work somewhere within walking distance of my house until I get enough money to buy a car for myself.
Hopefully writing again will help me get happy and inspired again. Nowadays I just pass the time by hanging out with friends and my boyfriend, even though almost 90% of the time I don't want to. My friends don't know something's wrong, no one really does, but there is. If I could just leave here and start new somewhere else I'd be so happy! I know every kid says they want to run away, and that it gets old after a while. Forgive me for the boring cliche. But...the thing is, I'm never more passionate then I am when I'm talking about leaving this place.