What A Night/Day

They say if it seems to good to be true, it is, so I saved myself and him a lot of trouble and called it quits. Now I feel stupid.

Fit 7 kids into a teeny tiny little car today, one of which was drunk, lucky me got to sit on his lap and pray that he didn't hurl. Got dropped off at a friend's, walked to Stop & Shop, picked up some flowers. Saw him. Went to my mommy's grave, gave her some pretty mums, they were always her favorite. I apoligized for missing her birthday and for being a disappointment. Sat there and cried. Wanted to sob my little heart out, but Robbie showed up and wanted to console me, I ignored him and told him everything was fine. Left early with Robbie, though I wanted so badly to stay longer. I have a lot to say to my mommy, a lot to apoligize for. Got Carvel, went home.

Feeling rather pensive. If I don't like being unhappy, then I'm the only one who can change that. Only one person knows how unhappy I am, and I kind of pushed him away yesterday. I wouldn't have let him help anyways. Anyways, I'm going to fix a lot of shit going on. I'm going to ignore the silly drama, I'm going to swear off guys completely, I'm going to raise my grades, and I'm going to listen to Daphne Willis and think like Jim. This has been said before, yeah, but I think I can do it now. Maybe I should go see my mom tomorrow, too. Being in the cemetery really helped me think, and I didn't feel ashamed to cry. It felt good.