Frightened

Things are rapidly going downhill, and I'm losing control of my tiny little life. I'm dating Robbie again. Why, you ask? It was either my pain or his, so I chose mine. I don't want to date him, I really don't. Last night I left the house right after my parents went out to dinner, and I walked to Cumby's so that Ian, Chelsea, and Robbie could pick me up. We went to McDonald's, but I had to leave because I could handle having both of them there...that was bad. So I told Robbie I felt sick and I walked to DNA. Low and behold, he was there before me. Then he walked me home, which is what I didn't want.

Then, on top of everything else, I had one of my epic little nightmares. I dreamt that I was at a party looking for Robbie and Andy (who were wearing matching shirts, by the way), and my dad walked up to me and said, "You mom just said hi and hugged me, did you feel it?" Right after he said that, I felt like I was dying. I felt like I was being squeezed, only not by something physical. I could barely breathe, I couldn't think, and I tried to scream but I couldn't. I tried to picture my mom's face, but some horrible, distorted face popped up instead. After that, I dreampt that I ran to my dad's room, I was happy for some reason, that suffocation was supposedly my mother 'hugging' me. When I went into my dad's room, my dog jumped onto the ground, and woke up my dad. He didn't know it was me, and started swinging and punching the air thinking I was an intruder. I closed the door, knocked and told him it was me. He walked out, and went into his office. Then he turned away from me and mumbled something along the lines of, "I can't be in love again..." I woke up and instantly started hyperventilating. I didn't know who to call so I called Robbie, he was still up. I was so terrified...I didn't know what to do. I shouldn't have called him though, because he was just going to bed. He stayed up with me, but I felt so bad. I would've been fine had I not called anyone.

My mother is dead, so I don't know what to make of that nightmare. Few things really frighten me, but this dream seemed to be one of those few things.