Fresh

Well, things have changed drastically since my last post. I kicked Bobby to the curb, I was fed up with being treated like I wasn't a human being with feelings. I have a new boyfriend who I've been dating for six and a half months now...

His name is Brandon, AKA Cubbles, and we are perfect together. I can't explain to you what I feel for him, but it's stronger than anything I've ever felt. It's the kind of feeling that has the ability to knock you breathless, but still make you feel like you just had a breath of fresh air. It's the kind of feeling that makes you realize that things are okay now that you have someone like him in your life. It's the kind of feeling that makes you want to laugh until you cry together. He's just...so nice! He really loves me, and he told me he feels like he can protect me from anything. He's passionate about things, and works hard to get what he wants. He's kind to everyone he encounters, and has a booming laugh that can make my whole day brighter. He's my sunshine on the dreariest days. He has these arms that feel safe, feel like home, and make me forget about how lost I used to feel. He holds me like I'm his lifeline and he'd rather cut off his arm than hurt me. My stomach does somersaults when his lips brush mine, and I breathe a little sigh of relief every time I sneak a glance his way and see that he's still beside me with his arm around me or his hand in mine. Though, sometimes he's catches me looking at him, and I'll get a wink that makes my heart stop. He knows me through and through, and everything wonderful about him reflects through his incredible capacity to love. He's remarkably mature for his age, and has big plans for himself, and for us, in he future. He has these beautiful blue eyes that turn me into a foolish little girl, and a smile that could make a grown man melt! This boy has a sense of humor that could give me abs from all the laughing I do. Hahah. I love him! He's so different from any person I've ever met, whether they be a boy, girl, kid or adult. I love him with my whole heart and I don't suppose I'll ever stop. It's hard to believe that someone like him could fall in love with a girl like me.

On another note, I finally got a job a couple months ago working as a bus girl for a little, family run restaurant called Anthony's Restaurant. It was going great, a little stressful, until this past Saturday. I'm a hard worker, and being told that my best isn't good enough makes me go insane. My boss told me that if I worked anywhere else, they would have fired me by now and that I'm not working hard or good enough. I didn't know what to do...so I held my cool and said thank you until I got to the bathroom where I fell apart. I was a wreck and couldn't stop crying. I've never, ever been talked to like that by a kid, let alone an adult! The whole idea of it made me feel pathetic and useless and I fell apart. I left early that night thinking: What do I do now that my best is no longer good enough? Where are superpowers when you need them?

Also, I've had a change in appearance. I wear less makeup now, and I firmly believe it's my boyfriend's fault for making me have such confidence in myself. I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled and I'm getting braces soon, also. Once I have straight teeth I think I'll be even more confident! I just hope I don't get arrogant! I got a nose piercing last week, I think it looks great. The day before that, I got another fish, a betta, and I named her Hope. I'll explain later in the post why I named her that. You know I get pretty bored with my appearance, which is why I dyed my hair a couple years ago, and cut it real short half a year ago. Now, I got myself bangs, and they're so much fun! I can style them lots of ways and still don't really have to do anything to keep them looking acceptable. Yay for change!

I don't know if I've explained this fully, but I'm moving to Florida when I graduate. I'm actually here in Florida right now to stay with my gramma for a week and check out some colleges that I'm interested in applying to: Full Sail University and Ringling College of Art and Design. See, the plan is that me and Brandon are going to drive down here when I graduate, stopping to visit every state on the way down. I'm going to live with my gramma until college starts, and then I'll be going to stay at whatever college I'm going to. Brandon will be working to save up money to go to college, and he'll be living with his grandfather. Then, when we're both done with college, we'll get our own apartment and take our first real steps into our life. I can't wait for my life with him to finally take off!

Now for some bad news. I went to the doctor to get blood taken, because they had to run some tests on it before I could go on birth control. I had to get the tests done because of family history. Apparently, my blood work showed that I have two mutations in my blood that make me extremely susceptible to blood clots, even at this age. That's the reason I named my new fish Hope, because I'm really going to need a lot of it until I figure out what to do to help keep myself healthy.

So that's it for now, that's what's been going on in little Stephie's life lately. I'll try to update more frequently, though it seems that it takes drastic measures for me to update this thing.

Confession

Sometimes I think I know the answer to what's been making me so miserable, but then that problem goes away and I'm left feeling this way again.

Birthday!

Today is my 16th birthday, and I feel no different. My favorite gift was the school field trip I went on yesterday to New York. We got to spend the entire day in NYC. We also visited Ellis Island, where I found the name of my great, great, great grandfather! That was awesome. We also visited China Town, Little Island, Manhattan, and a bunch of other places. It was definitely one of the best days of my life, and it was incredible to get out of this tiny town, if only for a day.

Passion

I decided I want to meet people who are as passionate and weird as I am. I think that's one of the reasons I'm so lonely even though I'm surrounded with friends and family who love me. Every person I've ever met is unique to me, but rarely do I consider them passionate. I want to meet weird people like me who want to make things, break things, sing, dance, love, fuck, drink and smoke until we die. I just want to experience things, and it feels like my life is taking forever to start!

Thriller by Matt!

That's definitely me in the background going, "Oh yeah!" I was SO insanely pumped to see someone do this dance.